I don’t know where to begin. I’m sick of everything, literally. Everything was perfect before the february half term. But now, everything is so incredibly fucked up. School, friendships, home life and my ‘love life.’ I get shouted at for the smallest things, which just results in me spending all of my time in my bedroom on my own. It’s like I can’t even deal with people anymore. I’ve realised something, I’m never going to be good enough for anyone. I can’t trust people, I push people away, I hurt people and I hate it. But there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s inevitable.. get close to me and I’ll hurt you. I always do. The smallest things people do annoy me to no end and it sounds stupid but I just want to be on my own, all the time. I fell out with one of my best friends because I kissed the boy she used to like. It was a one second peck for goodness sake, and it was a joke anyway. I understand why she’s mad, but I apologised, and she’s acting like I’ve given him head or something. She’s forgiven him, but she won’t even talk to me. I don’t know what else she expects me to do? I’ve said I’m sorry. But she’s willing to drop me just like that, as if I meant absolutely nothing to her. Well I suppose she can’t have been much of a friend. The boy I liked ever since I started sixth form likes someone else because I pushed him away, and I’ve told everyone- even my closest friends that I’m over him. I’m not. I’m not talking to him because “I’m so fucked off at the way he’s treated me through everything” but the truth is.. it’s just so much easier to hate him than to be friends with him and not be able to have him. To know that he’ll be talking to me, making me fall even harder to then just go and see his new girl. Everyone told me to get over him when they knew I liked him, but it isn’t as easy as that. “He treats you like shit” blah blah. I don’t care. He could do whatever he wanted and it would still be him I wanted. One of my best friends boyfriend broke up with her yesterday after a month, because I’d be arguing with his best friend. Apparently “it put things into perspective” for him. I can’t help but think it’s my fault. It is. Now I feel terrible about it because everytime she cries I feel so guilty. We had an assembly at school today and that made me even more stressed out. I have three weeks until all of my coursework needs to be done. That’s business, travel and tourism and english. Some of the coursework I’ve already done and it just needs improving, but some of it, I haven’t even started. I’m not going to get it done and I feel sick with worry. I’m going to fail sixth form anyway and I can’t even see the point in trying.  Everything is building up and I just want to cry all the time, and that’s not me. I’m such a ‘happy’ person, the one who helps with everyone else’s problems in hope that mine will go away. I’m faking a smile every single day but that’s it, it’s all pretend. I’m not happy anymore, all my energy I used to have is gone, like it’s been drained out of me completely. I feel like half the person I was. There’s one thing I’ve found that has helped.Cutting. The only problem is that I have red lines all the way up my left arm. How do I cover them? It’s a challenge hiding them from everyone.The thing is, I don’t understand why I’m so down. There are worse things happening in the world. I’ve not lost everything I’ve ever owned, or anyone that ever meant anything to me in a Tsunami in Japan, No-one in my family has died, nothing. I just constantly feel like I’m worthless to everyone. Music is the only thing that’s helping me right now, I can’t even talk to anyone, they’ll just judge me or tell someone else, and I don’t want that.